This is my husband John. This is my favorite photo of him. We've been married nineteen years, we've been seeing each other since my oldest was three months old. We got married when she was two.
John had some emotional baggage when we met, her name is Kaye. I had some emotional baggage too, my oldest child's dad, I'd been waiting for him to call and let me know if he wanted to do the family thing. Two years old, my baby was, when my sister gave me the two numbers he left for me, neither of them worked.
Either one of these people could have stopped a wedding.
John hasn't told me a whole lot about his past and I haven't told him a whole lot about mine. So here we are, middle aged now with a lot of things in common, one of which is that thing that happens to you when you realize that the youth boat has sailed, the torch has been handed to the younger generation, the older generation is fading and we are becoming them and it's time to ask ourselves, "Did they have their ducks in a row? Because I sure don't."
He eats, breathes and sleeps his computer and I sit and wonder who I'm going to talk to if the children ever leave. He doesn't like to hear what I talk about because I'm weird. I'm weirder than weird. My interest in human beings and my fascination with the Lord, and my concern for politics, the fact that I watch real life who dun it shows and anything mafia related.........well, all those things are things he doesn't want to talk about. That's where blogging comes in. I'm bound to find someone who will talk about these things.
John is a gamer and I like to listen to him and his friends and put in my two cents worth, I like banter. When John sees me coming to sit with him as of late, he disengages himself from his friends. I don't have a social life really. I would if I got out more, but my husband prefers me to stay at home. Sometimes I feel trapt in my own house. Middle age. I thought it would be different at this stage of my development. I thought I'd have all the answers. Instead, I find I have more questions.
I'm a delusional woman according to some. I look forward to the rapture, I don't believe some common beliefs that other Christians have. When I met John he was consumed by this idea that the Native American religion was superior to Christianity. He denies that, but his actions speak louder than his words. I told him it was pagan and that the Bible says we are supposed to rule over the animals, not be protected by their spirits. God is your protector if you belong to him and sometimes he lets things happen, but I always trust there is a reason. If you don't belong to him then why complain about what he does and don't do? Do you spank other people's children? Do you provide for other people's children? You see, the Lord died and rose again to provide for us but if you determine what he did wasn't enough, then likely you aren't his. But then again, the Bible says that if we are faithless, he is faithful. Yeah, salvation by way of behavior modification and good works is a lack of faith in Christ. John sleeps when I talk like this.
Anyway. We are middle agers and playin' it by ear because right now, sometimes we don't even know if we like each other. I keep wondering if this is the result of the way things were when it started? Or is this common in all marriages.
Those are the highlights of where I am in life at the moment. Have a good day.
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