Are You A Weary Spouse?

  • Are you weary in your marriage? The honeymoon doesn’t last forever. Thank goodness because most of us were blind, and ignorant when that happened. At least I was.

    What do I mean? Well think back when you got married. Many of us were blinded by love and had a lot of expectations. I’ve heard it countless times in our marriage classes, husbands admit they thought they would be having a whole lot more sex than they are. Wives admit looking back they thought life would be kind of like playing house. Life would be “perfect”. Most of the time it’s not a spoken expectation but unspoken. I’m not saying all of them are bad and wrong. I’m saying it set each other up for failure and disappointment. 

    We were ignorant to the reality of what marriage really is and what it really requires of us. Oh, leading up to the wedding event is one thing. The one we love is at the forefront of our mind. They fill our thoughts and heart and most days they’re all we can think about, right? Every decision is made with them in mind. Life is no longer just about our self. 

    Then the wedding happens, the honeymoon trip is over and reality hits. Routines set in, for a lot of people babies come, schedules get full and BAM just like that, the one who used to consume our heart and mind now gets pushed to the back of the line. Disconnection happens and months and  sometimes years go by. (I’m not talking about those in crisis. I’ll save that for another blog.) 

    My husband and I have experienced these seasons more than once. I think it is something that hits every marriage and growing through those seasons is what strengthens us if we allow it. 

    Are you weary in routine, weary in the same thing day in and day out?  We all have seasons of that where we’re not necessarily unhappy, but weary and feel marriage has become lukewarm.  If this is you, can I tell you I hear your weary heart. I’m writing this blog today simply to encourage you and stir your faith. So often we think we are the only ones who are going through this.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There is hope. 

    Yes, the honeymoon is long over, however, that doesn’t mean your best days with your spouse are long gone. Your marriage can be better than it’s ever been before starting today. Right now, you can decide to change it. You will be surprised how fast it can change.

    How do you do that? Here’s a couple things you can do right now. 

    Pray!  By prayer, I mean do you thank God for your spouse? Thankfulness shifts atmospheres, hearts and situations. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Do you ask God how to best love and communicate to him or her? God’s the one who made them and God’s the one who has your answers. ( 1 Corinthians 13) One of the things I learned as we rebuilt our marriage years ago was, to truly love Patrick, I had to get out of my own shoes and get into his. As I did this, I learned to love and see him in a whole new way. I encourage you to ask God to help you do that. I promise you; you will break every time. You will see your spouse differently. This has not only impacted me with my spouse but all people especially those I find difficult or challenging to love. Try it. Engage with them, talk with them and most importantly LISTEN to them with a heart to understand them. You will never be the same and neither will your relationship.

    The second thing you can do is lay down your own expectations. We all have them. We all have some that aren’t helping but hurting your relationships. It’s a hinderance. It blocks intimacy and connection. Our expectations put our spouse in a box. Our expectations, which more often than not, aren’t realistic and leave our spouse feeling inadequate and full of shame. No one wants to get close to those who make them feel like they will never be enough. We must be each other’s biggest cheerleaders. We must speak life. (Proverbs 18:21) Your attitude, mindset and expectations affect your words and actions towards your spouse. (Proverbs 4:23) 

    Women can I challenge you? If you are a woman of faith than speak those things over your husband as if they already are. Men want to be the man you need them to be. They really do, but if you continually think and tell them what they need to do or what they are not doing you will leave them feeling powerless and stripped instead of powerful and respected. The only way they grow is by stepping out and trying so let’s release them to do that. They’re not perfect and neither are we. Men can I encourage you? Your wife needs you to be the mighty man of God that you are. God chose you to lead, protect and die for her. Your wife wants to follow you as you lead like Jesus. A man who leads like Jesus and puts Him first in his life is sexy to your beautiful bride. (Stop freakin’ out. It’s ok to say that and it’s the truth. Can I get an Amen, ladies?). It’s time we all rise up! It’s time to fly and soar together. Too often we forget that we are on the same team. Don’t ever forget that.

    Our kids need us. We can all do this if we really want to. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength. (Phil 4:13)  

    Life can be fun and vibrant again. Hope can be restored. 

    “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.” 

    (Proverbs 13:12 NLT)

    Covering you in prayer and believing for your marriage to be set on FIRE!